As we approach the holidays, I give thanks to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the 5 wonderful blessings that I have in my life with every fiber of my being. I am preparing to cook dinner at my house for my 3 youngest children and my mother. How I long for the days of my youth when my whole family got together and celebrated at my grandma's house. I am also truly thankful for the generosity and leniency so that I can continue to have a roof over mine and my childrens heads.
Deric has now been on his newest medication for about 6 days now and seems to be doing a little better. He goes to bed at a reasonable time now and sleeps through the night on some days. I still wake up to find him in my bed occasionally though. The ever present whining is still there and is beginning to grate on me. I still have my post its up on the wall in every room and they are still my best reminder.Patience, Praise, Thanks. They are in every room of my house so that I remember daily to control my anger, praise the Lord for something everyday and be thankful, even if it is something small.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
sleep deprived
So, after 3 years of medication trial and error, sleepless night after night, eating, not eating, constant whining, and bizarre behavior, we are finally getting some where. Last night I had to keep Deric awake all night for a sleep deprived EEG test. The psychiatrist that he sees wants to see what is going on in his head, perhaps there are frontal? lobe seizures that he is having that could create some of the problems that Deric has. He has started some new meds also. After trying several ADHD meds and sleep aids, he is on Abilify for the mood stabilizing effect and today he started Intuniv for the ADHD and sleep problems. Cross your fingers, pray, or do whatever you think is going to help Deric. He has slept pretty much all day today, can't tell whether it is from the meds or sleep deprivation. we will see over the course of the next few days i guess.
I am going to have to catch up with his teacher tomorrow because I missed his PTC. I fell asleep and slept right through the alarm. ugh.
I am going to have to catch up with his teacher tomorrow because I missed his PTC. I fell asleep and slept right through the alarm. ugh.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
weekends
wow!!! for the first time in 11 months the kids dad took them for a day for each of the last 2 weekends. I have relished this time to get things done without 3 people under my feet! I love my children to death but have also relished the quietness I have to myself, and the fact that I have been able to sleep past 7 am for a change!!!
I have also got my car back on the road for the most part, New brakes, new battery, new wheel bearing, now I just need to get the radiator line fixed so i can drive it more than 15 mins. at a time!!! Slowly but surely it is getting there and God is providing for us in our time of need. The job search however is a bust. Having been out of work for over 8 years & having no phone is really hard as i have a gap in history and not really a way for people to call me back. ugh 8 weeks with out any money is taking a toll on me. I am almost glad I don't have a phone right now because it would be constantly ringing with bill collectors and such.
Deric is being evaluated tomorrow and next Monday by the psychiatrist to see where we stand as far as a diagnosis and a treatment plan. Hopefully everything goes well and we can get him the help he needs for at home and especially at school.
So, all in all I am still trying to be positive everyday and Thank God for something even if it seems small. I have had and am having my share of trials so perhaps down the road a little it will be smooth sailing for a while!
I have also got my car back on the road for the most part, New brakes, new battery, new wheel bearing, now I just need to get the radiator line fixed so i can drive it more than 15 mins. at a time!!! Slowly but surely it is getting there and God is providing for us in our time of need. The job search however is a bust. Having been out of work for over 8 years & having no phone is really hard as i have a gap in history and not really a way for people to call me back. ugh 8 weeks with out any money is taking a toll on me. I am almost glad I don't have a phone right now because it would be constantly ringing with bill collectors and such.
Deric is being evaluated tomorrow and next Monday by the psychiatrist to see where we stand as far as a diagnosis and a treatment plan. Hopefully everything goes well and we can get him the help he needs for at home and especially at school.
So, all in all I am still trying to be positive everyday and Thank God for something even if it seems small. I have had and am having my share of trials so perhaps down the road a little it will be smooth sailing for a while!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
DRs. appts.galore
Well this month seems to be filled with doctors appointments and therapy and dentists. Gavin sees 3 speciialists besides the pediatrician. He sees the hematology/oncology doctors for his neutropenia, an orthopedist for his thumb and an ENT specialist for his ears. Checkups, rechecks, shots coming up, so much fun!!! Deric goes to therapy every week for his mood disorder. The new meds he is on are wonderful!!! He has stopped most of the negative talking, he is polite and I can actually get him to do his chores without asking now!!! He still has issues at school with his ADHD, dyspraxia, sensory issues, OCD, and ODD, and anxiety. he is being evaluated later this month to see what else we can do as far as a regimine for him to keep him on track with things Everyone is staying healthy so I am thankful!!!.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Halloween
So after a great morning at church, we are on our way home and the car that just got fixed after being broken for 5 months decides to die 2 blocks from home on a major 6 lane road!!! So, since I could see the house I decided to go for it and push the van home to the driveway. I get out and push, now Deric thinks I am strong woman for pushing the van with him AND Gavin both still in it. Don't think he understands that it was not them that was heavy ,but the car!!!
We get home and i work on the costumes for the kids and try to get the one I made for Kate finished so she can wear it. I was not really looking forward to going out in the rain and cold but how can you say no to the kids. Meanwhile Deric is whining for the better part of the day and refuses to do any chore until I tell him he won't be able to go out for candy if it's not done, chores got done. just as we were getting ready to go a 6, Dave walks in the door soooo, I tell him HE can take the kids out trick or treating and i will stay and pass out candy, he he, so glad i did not have to go out!!!I told Deric before he left to put on socks and shoes cause it's cold and he comes out in crocs, with no socks. His dad tells him to change and he won't, so Dave takes him like that; he comes back screaming, crying, and shaking uncontrolably. his feet and hands and ears are bright red and he is about EVERYTHING!!! i get him in the shower to warm up and he gets out, eats a couple candies from his bag and falls asleep. So Does Gavin cause he walked around saying 'brains" instead of "trick or treat" and got worn out!! gotta go figure out how to pay bill now.
We get home and i work on the costumes for the kids and try to get the one I made for Kate finished so she can wear it. I was not really looking forward to going out in the rain and cold but how can you say no to the kids. Meanwhile Deric is whining for the better part of the day and refuses to do any chore until I tell him he won't be able to go out for candy if it's not done, chores got done. just as we were getting ready to go a 6, Dave walks in the door soooo, I tell him HE can take the kids out trick or treating and i will stay and pass out candy, he he, so glad i did not have to go out!!!I told Deric before he left to put on socks and shoes cause it's cold and he comes out in crocs, with no socks. His dad tells him to change and he won't, so Dave takes him like that; he comes back screaming, crying, and shaking uncontrolably. his feet and hands and ears are bright red and he is about EVERYTHING!!! i get him in the shower to warm up and he gets out, eats a couple candies from his bag and falls asleep. So Does Gavin cause he walked around saying 'brains" instead of "trick or treat" and got worn out!! gotta go figure out how to pay bill now.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Lots to say for this year
Oh, where do I begin. This is going to be hard as I have never even kept a journal before.
This year has been both challenging and rewarding. I am learning to grow and do things on my own when I have never really had to do that before. Thanks to my friends, family and church for being so supportive of me and listening to my crying and struggles throughout this new beginning.
This year has been about 5 years in the making. Dave and I have been drifting farther and farther apart as I have stayed home and he has been working mad hours. The straw that broke the camel's back came on January 26th of this year when I had had enough and I packed Dave's stuff up in the van and dropped it off in his car at work with a note that said, "Don't come home until you have your priorities straight". That was the last time that Dave slept in this house. 3 days later I realized what a mistake I had made and asked him to come back home and work together to fix what had been broken. As of today, October 29th, he is still gone.
I feel totally responsible for the way things are now and I hate that the kids are without their father, but Dave has also made his choice apparently clear. He told me a few days ago that "he is incapable of love and has never loved, and that the last 14 years has just been out of responsibility". Throughout this whole year, I have complained that he does not call the kids at all, only comes to see them once a week for a couple hours, and rarely does anything with them, now I finally understand why.
I am trying to move on but it is hard when you still love the person that you made a vow in front of God to love, cherish, in sickness, health, good and bad times till death. I have tried reminding him of that but it goes back to the incapable of love thing, why did he marry me then instead of just walking away, it would have been easier than 14 years of lies.
I am doing my best to take care of the kids and build something for myself. Back in May I bought the house that I have been renting for the last 8 1/2 years so that I have a place to raise the kids. Things had been going great until i could not get rid of the tenant that came with the house, land Dave stopped paying support and maintenance. Now I am quickly losing everything. I can't find a job to support us and it has been 6 weeks since I have had any income. My church was able to put together a love in action week where members came and helped me with various things to get it ready to rent. what a wonderful expression of love!!! Thanks a million times over!!!
From here on out I am just going to try to write about my daily life and the struggles and joys of being a single mom. Hope you will all share my journey with me.
This year has been both challenging and rewarding. I am learning to grow and do things on my own when I have never really had to do that before. Thanks to my friends, family and church for being so supportive of me and listening to my crying and struggles throughout this new beginning.
This year has been about 5 years in the making. Dave and I have been drifting farther and farther apart as I have stayed home and he has been working mad hours. The straw that broke the camel's back came on January 26th of this year when I had had enough and I packed Dave's stuff up in the van and dropped it off in his car at work with a note that said, "Don't come home until you have your priorities straight". That was the last time that Dave slept in this house. 3 days later I realized what a mistake I had made and asked him to come back home and work together to fix what had been broken. As of today, October 29th, he is still gone.
I feel totally responsible for the way things are now and I hate that the kids are without their father, but Dave has also made his choice apparently clear. He told me a few days ago that "he is incapable of love and has never loved, and that the last 14 years has just been out of responsibility". Throughout this whole year, I have complained that he does not call the kids at all, only comes to see them once a week for a couple hours, and rarely does anything with them, now I finally understand why.
I am trying to move on but it is hard when you still love the person that you made a vow in front of God to love, cherish, in sickness, health, good and bad times till death. I have tried reminding him of that but it goes back to the incapable of love thing, why did he marry me then instead of just walking away, it would have been easier than 14 years of lies.
I am doing my best to take care of the kids and build something for myself. Back in May I bought the house that I have been renting for the last 8 1/2 years so that I have a place to raise the kids. Things had been going great until i could not get rid of the tenant that came with the house, land Dave stopped paying support and maintenance. Now I am quickly losing everything. I can't find a job to support us and it has been 6 weeks since I have had any income. My church was able to put together a love in action week where members came and helped me with various things to get it ready to rent. what a wonderful expression of love!!! Thanks a million times over!!!
From here on out I am just going to try to write about my daily life and the struggles and joys of being a single mom. Hope you will all share my journey with me.
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