The crack of Dawn!

Today started well before 7a.m. Deric was up and ready to go as usual. Cooked him eggs for breakfast and Gavin, Deric and i ate together. Doled out the meds and the whining begins. it's 7:43 and Deric is already bugging me to wake Katie up!!! Gavin is in the other room screaming for me to put Elmo on, ugh, let me wake up first!!! The usual morning scenario of loud noises, running and not eating the breakfast that was requested ensues. Daddy made a surprise appearance today and stayed to play. Kate hears herr dad hear and finally rolls out of bed around 10, much to Derics relief.
     Laundry and everyday cleaning are about all i accomplished today as i was very unmotivated. Feeling so much at once it's hard to concentrate on just one thing so I don't do anything!! And the panic attacks have started again. Thank God for meds!!! Trying to manage a toddler, listen to the 8 year old whine constantly about EVERYTHING and understand where the 13 year old is coming from and why she is beating on her vrother yet again is taking it's tole, especially without a break. Sometimes i feel so overwhelmed. Thank goodness for friends.
     the kids played the wii today and actually played together nicely for quite a while today, while I tried to talk to their dad to see what is in store for our future, hit a brick wall, no surprise there. ugh, I want to go on with my life .

     So the kids are fed and in bed, time for "me time". Facebook, picking up and a loonnngggg hot shower then off to bed before Deric wakes up around 1 or 3...

Updates since Thanksgiving

Lets see... the last time I wrote Deric was going for a sleep deprived EEG to check for seizures, it showed none!!! At least we have one thing ruled out!!! He has gained some weight now that he is off the stimulant meds and has finally been able to get some new clothes after wearing the same size for close to 3 years!!! Even on the new meds he still gets up every single night but at least he goes right back to sleep most nights.



Christmas was great at  our house this year! we had Santa come to our house to deliver gifts courtesy of some volunteers!!! That made it really special for the kids!!! A good friend also brought by a food basket which was a big help. It was alot more than I expected!!! I cooked dinner here and my mom came to enjoy her grandkids and a meal.

As i have had no income for the last 4 months, things have gotten really bad but we still have our house for now although the car is up for sale. We still have food to eat and clothes to wear and heat so I am thankful to my Jesus for providing for my needs. Could not do this without the help of family, friends, and my Jesus who hears me every night.

Hopefully I will find the inspiration and love and peace that I want in the future...

New year!!!

Sorry it has been so long since I have written, alot going on!!  Gavin was just in for his 3rd surgery, another set of tubes to hopefully cut down on the ear infections and constant runny nose. Deric is on 3 meds now and we are FINALLY seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. The meds do have some nasty side effects but we are dealing and moving forward!!!

Potty training is in full swing with Gavin, FUN!!! He loves the elmo potty video and book and watch it every day. He is so happy and good. I love him so

Katie is in Jr. high now and all I hear about is boys, boys, boys. Gotta love it, but not the attitude that goes with it!!

I am lonely every night but I am learning to cope a little better although I still cry alot. Everytime I see Dave I cry, it still hurts to not have answers. I feel torn because I am not divorced yet and want so much to have physical attention and know that that is not something my religion is cool with. ugh will i ever be right again.