Sleepless night

Here I am the night before school starts and I am wide awake at 4 a.m. I have so much on my mind it makes it hard to sleep when my brain won't shut off! I am scred, excited, nervous for my kids. Kate is a sophmore this year and Deric is starting middle,school and Gav, preschool. I am most worried about Deric and him being teased and bullied by others. And of course I am worried about Kate and peer pressure to do things. I pray form each of them that Godmwill guide them and help them make good choices. 

Summers over, back to school

So, this summer has been fairly busy, therapy for Deric every week and every other week, twice a week! We haven't made it to the beach, but we did go to the fair, dog park, school playground, a few birthday parties and a lot of time in the backyard. 
     Deric is on yet another med and this one shows some promise for now!!! He is much calmer, doesn't scream much anymore and doesn't see things that aren't there!!! We are working with the school to get him so e additional aids in the class room so he has the same chance as everyone else. Gavin will be going to preschool this year and is soooo excited!! Katie is a Sophmore and I can't believe where the time has gone.
     I have let Katie "date" and she has gone to a few movies but not much else, not sure I am ready for the whole dating thing!!!

Saturday, July 7

Today was a terrific day, we all spent the morning together and then went to carousel Mallon the evening and ate dinner at Johnny rockets and got to check out the new section of the mall.it was a great time with Steve and the kids.

Late nights

As I'm sitting here well after midnight, making my to do list for tomorrow, I stated thinking hat I am so blessed right now. Out of my 5 beautiful children, my youngest, Gavin is my inspiration. Each meal he wants to say Grace for, at bedtime, he is the first one wanting to say his prayers, and he is constantly talking about church and singing to K-LOVE. I am so thankful to God for his wonderful demeanor and his faith so far at such a young age. It keeps me more faithful and makes me happy to know I am installing god values in my children.

 Fourth of July!!

Today is the fourth of July and it has turned out to be a great day. The boys actually slept in a little, 7:30. we had breakfast together and played with a girlfriends kids outside by the pool and trampoline! Dave came and took the boys to the park while I took a short nap as I seem to have insomnia bad for the last couple months. After a leftover lunch of pizza and wings from last night we chilled in the A/C until after dinner then we did those black growing snake things that my grandpa always used to get when I was a kid and Dave took the boys to see fireworks and Katie went to  fireworks with her boyfriend Brandon. Now I get to sit her in relative silence and watch what I want to watch on TV without interuption!! I am really taking advantage of the quiet time since the only time I get that is when the kids are all asleep!!! 

Somehow by the grace of God we are still in our home and we have food to eat everyday, so I am grateful and thankful and praise Him everyday!!! I recently applied for a car loan and got approved!!! now I have about 21 days to come up with $1200 dollars to pay for the DP, tax, title, etc. It would make life SOOOOO much easier as I have all the appts for Deric. I am so tired of having to rely on my mom and Dave when he feels like letting me borrow HIS car.

Sorry, its been so long

February 2012 (written July 3)

I just realized that it has been so long since I've written that tons have gone on since February. I don't even know where to begin. Lets see, Deric has been doing a little better since moving to his new classroom. he has actually been doing his homework and his writing is improving.
   I have been trying to potty train Gavin and he has been wanting none of it. We'll keep trying though.
   Kaitlin is doing well in school although her study habits are a little lacking. Valentines day was a little rough this year as I still love my Hubby and want to get back together with him although he wants nothing to do with that area. I still got him a nice card and some chocolate covered cherries though.

a good day

today was a great day despite the fact that we are starting to get sick. Deric was really good for a change and that made it a good day for all of us. Deric was really missing his dad at bedtime prayers though and started to cry. I do my best to console him and answer his questions, but tonight I just had to tell him he needed to ask dad for answers.

As for me I have to work on my faith more and put my trust and energy into Jesus instead of worrying about being lonely. I am just going to get myself hurt or in trouble if I continue on this path. I am still in love with Dave and I find myself still wanting to do things for him and be with him and cant seem to get away from that feeling no matter how rotten and indifferent he seems to treat me. Somewhere deep down I am still hoping he snaps out of whatever funk he is in and becomes the man he should be for his family. I do pray for him all the time and wonder if I am praying for the right thing.

anger issues

so, Deric has been pretty manageable on his new meds except for the anger issue, we had a rough night the other night when he punched one of the child care workers at our parent support group, ugh. will things ever be somewhat normal??

Gavin is in the midst of potty training, doing well on some days. but still has no interest in really using the potty.

Katie just got her progress report and is failing just about everything and did horrible on her midterms.

As for me, I am trying really hard to keep my faith and not just give up. I am lonely and wanting Dave to just touch me, come back,  be a father but know deep down that that is probably not going to happen no matter how long I wait. 


I feel like a failure as I have lost my car, husband and now am going to lose my house and the one place where Deric is relatively stable. what am I going to do if I lose the house too.

A New Year

This past year has been exhausting to say the least, medication trial and errors, hospitalizations, an overwhelming amount of screaming and destroying things. After 2 hospitalizations this summer, I think we have got the right med combo at the right doses to help Deric control himself a little bit better. we have had some home based crisis intervention and things seem to be going in the right direction. Deric has started a new school and a new program and hopefully make some new progress in the school setting. 

Christmas was terrific as I had the company of my 18yo visiting from Australia for a couple weeks. It was so good to see him again and to see 4 of my kids together for a picture. The new year has started of great and I have great plans for this year.